I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
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