another moral hangover. fuck.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Randomize
