I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
you never un-have a 4some
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
Randomize
