She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize
