she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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