Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Randomize
