It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Randomize
