and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Randomize
