you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking ros�, bitch!
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Randomize
