we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Randomize
