I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Randomize
