respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
Randomize
