So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
Randomize
