So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
if i died would you start the facebook group?
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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