haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
