she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
it glows. i had to have it.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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