i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
