Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
