I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
There's a naked man in my car right now.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
Randomize
