My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
How does one acquire holy water?
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
