Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
