You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Randomize
