that's an acceptable place to lick
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
