I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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