I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
Randomize
