i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
