I need to stop coming to work sober
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
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