I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Randomize
