He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
We need to rekindle our bromance
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
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