My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
