How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
