If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
