It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize
