You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
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