Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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