i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
Randomize
