Swine flu. Run for my life!
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Randomize
