She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Randomize
