Christians are straight up FREAKS
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
