garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
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