My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
Randomize
