I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
