oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
