He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Randomize
