Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
You left your underwear on the fireplace
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
I did not marry a roomba.
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