what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
