I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
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