she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
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