Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
so let's talk penis.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Randomize
