So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Randomize
